Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
