I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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