my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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