Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
