My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
