So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize