My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
