I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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