Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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