in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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