What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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