just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
