Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
