Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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