Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
