oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
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