bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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