So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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