Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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