so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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