Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
