He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
