So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
