I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
