So drunk its hurt
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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