it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am midnight drunk by noon
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
