ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you had me at cake vodka
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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