I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
