I'm jealous of your bromance
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
