i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
