we have officially lost it.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
did i just pee glitter
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
