he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
