dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
