I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
