Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize