Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize