so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
