If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
