How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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