Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
