well he's currently spooning the coffee table
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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