if only i could text you this smell
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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