I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
