is your mom at the bar?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
