Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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