I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
