i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
babies were throwing up all over the place
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize