Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
