i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
