dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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