I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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