Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
