the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
