around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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