distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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