We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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