he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
