my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
