you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize