going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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