um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
