using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
