Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
