i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
