The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
