No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
