So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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