I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
